Hair flies in Las Cruces

For this first, actual, blog assignment, I chose Lindsey Miller's story as the best. I liked the fact that her headline on the homepage, "Hair flies in Las Cruces" worked so well her teaser/lede, "Las Cruces residents raised a significant amount in the battle against cancer, and they didn't have to do anything. Anything but take it all off. Their hair, that is." Not only does the headline complement the teaser, but it doesn't repeat itself. Not to mention, she used anadiplosis in her teaser by ending one sentence with "anything" and starting the next sentence with "anything." I think doing that made it catchier and more interesting.

I think the idea of the story is great and caught my heart in the first few paragraphs. The story is written very well and I enjoyed reading it. I wish there would've been a transition into the paragraph that starts with, "Shaun Paques of Albuquerque was 6 years old when he crashed his bike and was rushed to the hospital." But it adds to the emotional value of the story.

As far as suggestions of how it could be improved, other than the above comment, I would say there are some changes I would've made to the video. I wish we could actually hear the questions being asked rather than just reading the text. I also wish the audio would've been left in while she was getting her hair shaved, just to capture more of the emotional aspects of the event. Usually not using a tripod would make it difficult to watch a video, but this time it didn't take away from it, in my opinion. But, I did like that the video didn't repeat what was being said in the story and we got to see the actually shaving take place.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this story. Not only does my best friend have cancer, but it was written in a way that would touch anyone, even if they don't know someone with cancer. It spread the word about what can be done to help fight cancer, the event that goes on and even gave multiple personal stories.


Hair Flies in Las Cruces by Lindsey Miller